Mental Illness

The Third Wheel…

Being in any relationship has its hardships and delights, but when mental health issues are in the mix does this complicate things or does it enlighten them?

At what point do you tell them? Right at the beginning, on your dating profile, after six months or just wait for them to notice and say, oh didn’t I tell you? When is it okay to say, “Hey! I have a mental illness, well not one or two but three!” When will they believe it’s just a part of me? 

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The last plot twist of the year…

Have you seen that Instagram post “I hope the last two months of 2017 are the plot twist you were hoping for”? (original owner unknown.)

I have and it struck home to me. I pictured 2017 as a year-in-the-life book, then I questioned; what would it be about, what would I write about?

So, 2017 as much as you have been sweet to me you have also been unkind, and this why.

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Dying Stars

I lay beside your body and your silence filled my lungs.
I can feel the tingle of my fingers as I stroked your chest.
Your heart beat protruded through your skin and I felt the pain of a thousand dying stars.

In the glory of death, they have never glistened so bright. They were beautiful to the naked eye, just as you were naked.

You were beautiful.

In that moment, sorrow swirled through your tired eyes and I knew, I knew the pain you felt.
How it crippled your lungs and made your hands shake.

I knew what it had done to you, how it had encaged you in a life of broken dreams.
I knew what it was doing to you.

How it was tying your tongue to your throat to choke the words that could set you free.
I knew that I could not fight it for you but be there by your side, to see you through the war against your mind.

The moonlight laid against our skin and our eyes met, your lips parted and a shiver ran through my veins.
I could hear your thoughts through the shadows of the room as if they were projected onto the walls around us.

You did not talk but you pressed your lips against my skin and that was all the words you could never know how to begin.

The relationship of Mental Illness and Self.

Like any relationship, the one between mental illness and ‘self’ has its ups and downs, it has its own balance or sometimes an imbalance, but it takes work.

Sometimes, more work than the ability we have to do so.

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Twelve and a half years…

That is the average time it takes for a mental illness to be diagnosed here in the U.K.

I have battled with anxiety and depression for over a decade, eleven years to be exact, yet I’m still not there at the right diagnosis.

They say I suffer from a depressive disorder, but isn’t that bipolar?

The research suggests that for Bipolar to be diagnosed the first thing that is considered or a symptom, is depression.

I remember telling one of my doctors that well, I’m not going to come and see you just to you I’m feeling good and that was the truth. After all, my doctor wasn’t my therapist.

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